Self-confidence can be learned...

Believe in yourself! I look at this as the foundation for success, not only in a career but also in life.

Believe in yourself! It sounds simple, doesn't it? However, the number of people having low self-confidence is shocking. I’ve discovered that even many of those, who appear to have high self-esteem, have times when they don't feel as confident as they do at other times. This is usually when they are doing something new where they need to stretch themselves outside of their comfort zone.

Someone I admire once sent me a note saying, “Thank you for teaching me that self-confidence can be learned.” Following are the suggestions I had shared with this person:

Think of yourself as the important person you are. You are a special human being. You are unique. You have special skills, talents, and abilities that are yours alone. And you can use your special skills, talents, and abilities to increase your own success and also to help others to become more successful. Dr. Dennis Deaton, one of my favorite authors and speakers, teaches that "you alter your destiny by altering your thoughts." How true this has been in my life! The more I think of myself as successful, the more successful I become. Never underestimate the power of thought.

Practice daily personal affirmations. In order to believe in yourself, you need to train your subconscious mind. Many of us have conditioned our subconscious mind in the past to believe that we are less than we are. The subconscious mind does not think for itself; therefore, it believes whatever is fed into it. If it hears negative comments, it believes them. If it hears positive comments, it believes them. Unfortunately, most of us hear, and pay attention to, many more negative comments than positive ones. That's why positive affirmations are so necessary. All of us need to train and re-train our subconscious mind by assuring it is fed positive thoughts.

Emulate self-confident people. Who is it you admire most? Does this person have some characteristics that you would like to emulate? If you decide to emulate some of this person's characteristics, you can be selective in the ones you choose. We can learn much just by observing people that appear to be self-confident. Another way to learn to emulate characteristics of successful, self-confident people is ask their advice. Most people love to hear that others admire them, and they enjoy sharing their wisdom, experience, and advice.

Reward yourself for each success. In a world where we have been raised to be modest and to not "blow our own horns," it is often difficult to accept praise or even to admit that we are successful. However, recognition contributes to self-confidence, and we can't depend on others to give us this recognition. Genuine success comes from within. It is self-generated. It is the realization that we are accomplishing our goals and our mission in life. Each of us measures our own success on our own yardstick. As we do this, we need to generate our own recognition. In giving recognition to ourselves for our accomplishments, we expand our enthusiasm and energy to accomplish more. As we are recognized, our self-confidence grows. Self-confidence builds more self-confidence, which builds more success. As we continue to reward ourselves for our successes, the cycle continues.

Surround yourself with positive people. Olympic champion, Wilma Rudolph, was the twentieth of the 22 children in her family. Weak and frail as a child, she contracted pneumonia, scarlet fever, and polio. As a result, her doctors had little hope that she would ever be able to walk. With the encouragement of her mother, Wilma worked at taking one step and then another until, at age eleven, she was able to make it from one side of her yard to the other. When she started high school, she made the basketball team and later became one of the starting players. With much hard work, determination, and more encouragement from her mother, she continued to improve her athletic abilities. At the Rome Olympic Games in 1960, she won three gold medals, set world records in both the 100-meter dash and the 200-meter dash, and ran the anchor leg in the four by one hundred-meter relay. She was called the fastest woman on earth. When asked how she had overcome her disability, she responded, "The doctors said I would never walk. My mother said I would. I believed my mother."

Not all of us have had the opportunity to live most of our life with positive people, with people who encourage us, with people who do not criticize us. However, as adults, we can choose the people with whom we spend the majority of our time. When you include more positive people in your circle of friends, you yourself will become more positive. As you become more positive, you will attract more positive people. By attracting more positive people into your life, your self-confidence will grow.

Look and feel your best. Most people feel better about themselves when they look their best. Following are some tips from successful people on looking and feeling your best:

• Wear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion. These clothes do not have to be expensive, but they should fit well and be clean and pressed.


• Practice good grooming habits at all times.


• Stand and sit straight.


• Get enough sleep to look and feel good.


• Maintain good health. See your doctor when you are ill, and have regular physical checkups.


• Stay physically fit. Aerobic exercises will help, especially walking and swimming.


• Wear a smile. You will soon notice that this will also attract more positive people into your life.

The better you look, the better you'll feel about yourself. Most people who practice these simple tips for two weeks begin to notice a difference. When people notice a difference, they make a habit of practicing these tips. As the habits are formed, self-confidence increases.

Fake it until you make it. Normally, I wouldn’t advise anyone to fake anything. Personal integrity is important to me, and I believe that honesty is critical to one's success. However, what I am recommending here is that you act the part of an extremely self-confident person. By acting self-confident, most people begin to realize that they can be self-confident. If people think of themselves as successful, they are successful. If they believe in themselves, others will also believe in them. The reverse is also true. By demonstrating self-confidence, even when they don't think they have it, they will become more self-confident.

Affirm those around you. There are not many people in the world who can't benefit from more self-confidence. I have learned that even the most arrogant and seemingly self-assured people often lack the inner confidence needed to really feel good about themselves. Even these people need compliments. In business, the most confident executives and managers I know are the ones who give credit to the people who do the work. In life, the most confident people are the ones who demonstrate confidence in others.

Self-confidence can be learned. Always remember that you are a special human being! Believe in yourself, and others will believe in you, also.