Smelling the Roses

When I received the job offer for my European assignment at 3M, my husband and I were both excited about the opportunity ahead of us. Long before we left the United States, I developed goals and objectives for the European job. I wanted to make sure that my accomplishments were significant during the two years that I would be there and didn't give much thought to the wonderful adventures that would be available.

After I had been in Europe for two weeks, I sent a status report through electronic mail to my United States human resource manager. I will always cherish his response. He started by complimenting me on what I had already accomplished in the two weeks that I had been in Europe. He then added some advice by saying, "You will be given a lot of vacation time while you are on your European assignment. Be sure you take this time, and make it a point to see as much of Europe as you can. There are too many people who return from expatriate assignments, never having taken advantage of the opportunity to explore the areas where they have lived. Many will remark, 'I worked so hard that I missed the party.' Enjoy the party while you are there!"

I am grateful that this advice came very early during my European assignment. It allowed me to rethink my priorities and make the adjustments necessary to "enjoy the party" while still making the significant impact that I had planned. In fact, I think that the reason I was able to exceed my job objectives was due in part to the enjoyment of the adventures I experienced. Since my husband was retired, he was able to travel with me on many of my business trips. I would plan meetings in London for Fridays and Mondays, so that we would be there for the weekend to spend time with friends, visit museums, and go to the theatre. When we weren't in London or sightseeing in France, we would take short weekend trips to Germany, the Netherlands, and Belgium. We cruised the Mediterranean and Black Seas and took vacations in Italy, Spain, and Portugal. We also entertained many friends who visited us in France, and we enjoyed every minute of it. The added bonus was that I was able to exceed my objectives for the job assignment and to enjoy my work even more than I had anticipated.

Are you taking time to enjoy the moment and bring pleasure into your life? You might start by answering the following questions:

• Do I regularly take time for myself?
• Do I enjoy the company of special people?
• Do I enjoy the social events I attend?
• Do I live my priorities?
• Is my work challenging and fulfilling?
• Do I engage in recreational activities?
• Do I have at least one hobby?
• Do I take care of my health and have regular checkups?
• Do I exercise regularly?
• Do I give to others?
• Am I a grateful receiver?
• Do I have a way to relax that eliminates stress?
• Do I feel energized at the end of most work days?

If you have answered "yes" to all of these questions, congratulations! Otherwise, the following suggestions may be of help:

Be in the present.

A colleague once said, "Being fully in the present is a gift. It is a gift to yourself as well as to others. You literally create your future with your thoughts and actions. When you are fully in the present, you are totally involved and alert to opportunities. The people you encounter subjectively sense whether or not you are fully with them. This has a great impact on the quality of your personal and business relationships."

Enjoy your work.

Are you working at a job that you love? If not, is there any possibility that you can make a change? A change does not necessarily mean a totally different job. It could mean adding or subtracting something from your current job in order to make it more enjoyable.

Take time for yourself.

Do you take time for yourself? When is the last time you went for a walk in the park and enjoyed nature? Enjoyed a bubble bath? Had lunch with a friend? Read a book? If you had an entire day to do something spontaneous, what would it be? Why not do it now?

Give to others.

Have you ever noticed how good you feel when you give to someone else? Some people wait to give until they can afford to buy an extravagant gift. This is not necessary, as it is usually the non-material gifts that the receiver values most. This can be as simple as a smile or a compliment. It can be the simple gift of showing someone that you care by giving him or her your attention. It can be taking the time to tell someone that you appreciate him or her. Although these gifts do not cost anything, they can be the most precious to both the receiver and the giver.

Engage in recreational activities.

The word recreation contains the root word create, which means "to cause to exist." By preceding this word with the prefix re, which means "again" or "anew," we are saying that we are causing a new existence of ourselves. We are refreshing our lives, both mentally and physically.

Express and feel gratitude.

Part of expressing gratitude is becoming a gracious receiver. Many people think that they should always be the giver, rather than the receiver; hence they have difficulty in accepting that which is given to them. Many have told me that they think they are not worthy or deserving.

Dr. Deepak Chopra suggests that we gratefully receive all the gifts that life has to offer us. These gifts include gifts of nature, such as sunlight, the sounds of singing birds, spring showers, and the beauty of the first snow of winter. They also include gifts from others, both material and non-material.

Stopping to "smell the roses" is more than a cliché. It points out the importance of appreciating beauty, human relationships, and the things that are most important to us. It offers the opportunity to reflect, to decrease stress, and to add balance to our lives. This not only contributes to, but also enhances any success we may achieve.

My wish for you is that you seize the joy of the day, savor each moment as special, and appreciate the beauty of life!

Does integrity mean just telling the truth?

When I was in my early thirties, I decided to take up the game of golf. During my first year on the golf course, my scores were sometimes almost twice as high as those of some of my playing partners. Since I was the ultimate perfectionist, this was extremely embarrassing to me. As we called out our scores after each hole, I would be tempted to lower my score by one or two points so that it wouldn't sound quite as bad as it was. A tempting voice inside me would say, "Make up a number. They probably can't count that high anyway." I would think about it and finally answer the voice, saying, "But I would know it, and I am the one who has to live with myself."

What does integrity mean to you? In the case of my golf score, I considered integrity to be an honesty issue. Although honesty contributes to integrity, there are more aspects to integrity than just telling the truth. Integrity is unique for each of us.

As you are thinking about your level of integrity, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I tell the truth?
• Is my word my bond?
• Do my promises have value?
• Do I do what I say I am going to do?
• Am I committed to commitment?

According to the late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach University, integrity is the result of having the following three conditions in one's life:

• Resolution of all important matters This includes the correction of any wrongs, making any personal changes necessary to ensure one's life works well, and fully handling every task and job that one decides to do.
• Alignment and balance in life Alignment, in this case, means that our goals are aligned with our values and priorities, our actions are based on what is true for us, and our commitments are aligned with our vision or purpose in life.
• Responsibility In speaking about integrity, the word "responsibility" means being responsible for that which occurs in one's life. This includes handling whatever happens and making necessary adjustments to prevent this type of problem in the future. Thomas Leonard said that responsible people do not blame, complain, or point fingers at other people. They just handle the situation. I agree.

The following exercise will help you to work on and increase your personal integrity:

Make a list of the ways that your life is currently "in integrity." Pat yourself on the back, because you are on your way to success as you strengthen your personal integrity.

Make a list of the ways that you are not now "in integrity." In addition to thinking about honesty, ask yourself questions like the following:

• Do I pay my bills on time?
• Do I do what I say I will do? (For example, if you tell someone that you will call him or her, do you make that call?)
• Do I meet my time commitments?
• Am I working at the right job for me?
• Am I associating with people who are uplifting and positive?

Analyze the source of each item on your list from number 2 above. If these items are important to you, be sure to resolve all of them before moving to the next step. You might start by listing the consequences that result from each of them. Then write the changes you would need to make in order to eliminate the consequences and bring integrity to these parts of your life.

Make a commitment to start living a life of integrity, as you define it. Your integrity is unique to you, and you are the one who will decide what it means for you. You need to commit to commitment.

Let go of at least ten "shoulds," "coulds," "oughts," and "wills." In doing this, realize that it is impossible to be all things to all people.

Involve a coach or another strong person to help you. Find an individual who is interested in partnering with you to help you to improve your personal integrity. This should be someone who truly cares about your well-being, wants the best for you, and is willing to tell you the truth.

Stop spending time with people who are not the best role models. You know who these people are. Concentrate on spending your time with those people who are uplifting and from whom you receive the gift of positive energy.

Develop a realistic action plan for improving your personal integrity. Keep this action plan simple. Include elements that you can actually do, rather than things that might occur.

Personal integrity is a personal choice. The benefits of living in integrity are numerous. As people increase their level of integrity, they begin to become aware of the following in their life:

• More energy
• An effortlessness feeling about achieving the results they want
• Much less stress
• The attraction of more fulfilling people who are consistently reliable, empowering, loving, and inspiring
• A richer and more successful life

In Golden Nuggets, Sir John Templeton says, "Probably the greatest secret to peace of mind is living the life of personal integrity - not what people think of you, but what you know of yourself. If you remain true to your ethical principles, your personal integrity can become an attractive beacon for success on every level. Listen carefully to the inner promptings of conscience and live peacefully."

When I interviewed people for my books on success, I asked them to rate each of my success principles on a scale of 1 to 5, depending on how critical the principle was to their success. They all rated integrity as a “5.”

Personal integrity is of utmost importance to success. It is your personal foundation on which you can build the person you want to be.

What does integrity mean to you?

How to Control Your Destiny though Your Attitude

At a meeting several years ago, I met a woman who was a champion at making lemonade whenever life dealt her lemons. I had never before known anyone with an attitude as positive as hers. At the beginning of the meeting, we introduced ourselves and shared our reasons for participation in this series of meetings.

This particular woman had recently moved to Minnesota from Washington, D.C. Her position in Washington had been eliminated. She said that, even though she had enjoyed her job there, losing it was a wonderful opportunity to look at other positions and to determine what she would like to do next. She found a position in Minnesota and rented an apartment about 25 miles from the office where she worked. She even talked about how fantastic it was to have an hour-long commute to and from her new job, as she was able to see much of the city and to listen to motivating tapes while she was driving.

Others who heard her told me later that they didn't think she was "for real." As I got to know her, though, I realized that she was truly genuine. As others in the group began to know her, they began to strive to be more like her. They recognized that she was attracting positive people and things into her life through her attitude.

Later, when I was hiring people for a new department, this woman was one of the first people I hired. Her attitude and enthusiasm were contagious, and she contributed significantly to the success of this department.

In conducting research for my e-book, Success without Struggle: How to Control Your Destiny through Your Attitude, I found that the following practices actually made people more positive and contributed to better outcomes in their lives:

As Dale Carnegie taught so many years ago, refrain from the three Cs: complaining, criticizing, and condemning. They rob our time and also drag us down into a spiral of negativity. The messages they send to the subconscious mind inhibit our success. By eliminating complaining, criticizing, and condemning, we become more positive. On the mental level, positive attracts positive, and negative attracts negative. Positive thoughts help attract more positive experiences into our lives. This begins an upward spiral. As we begin to see things in a more positive way, we become more positive. As we become more positive, we increase our potential for success.

Eliminate worry from your life. Just as most successful people do not waste time complaining, criticizing and condemning, they also do not waste time worrying. They realize that worry not only generates negative energy, but it also does not make the source of the worry any better.

Shortly after I met my husband, Cliff, he had a heart attack. Afterward, I lived in constant fear that he would have another one. When I didn't hear from him at the beginning of the day, it would affect my thoughts on other things. Of course, Cliff sensed my anxiety, and this did not enhance our relationship. When I finally decided to stop worrying, our relationship blossomed, my mind became more clear for positive thoughts, I became more productive, people noticed my more positive attitude, and I was promoted at work. I learned that I could care, but that did not mean that I needed to worry.

Many of us have serious concerns, such as life-threatening illnesses in our families. Worrying does not cure an illness, and we can become sick from the worry. Once we decide to stop worrying, we are better able to handle the situation that might have been the object of our worry.

Put on a happy face. Have you ever noticed how people seem to want to please you more when you smile at them? To me, they appear to be more friendly and outgoing. When I realized this, I started to consciously observe people's reactions as I smiled at them while walking through the long corridors of my company's office complex. I discovered that whenever I smiled, the recipient of the smile would return the smile. This, in turn, lifted my spirits. As a result, my smile became more genuine as I met the next person. As you smile at other people, you'll discover that your smiles are contagious.

Look for the good in everything. I once attended a class given by a chiropractor who had developed an excellent chiropractic procedure, which not only included adjustments but also education on nutrition and forgiveness. During the class sessions, he discussed the subconscious mind and the fact that thought precedes action, even physical action/reaction within our bodies.

This wise Doctor of Chiropractic explained that the secret to recovery in many of these cases was forgiveness. Sometimes, unknowingly, we carry grudges for things that happened to us at some time during our lives. If we do some serious soul-searching, there might be people whom we have not forgiven.

In class, we learned the three steps of forgiveness:

1. Forgive the person who may have wronged us.
2. Forgive ourselves for carrying a grudge, whether it was intentional or unintentional.
3. Look for the good in whatever it was that happened to us. This is the most difficult step, but it is necessary for the process to work.

There were some people in the class who were very ill and had traveled to doctors throughout the country in search of cures for their illnesses. It seemed to me that I witnessed miracles occurring that week when many of these ill people were relieved of their symptoms. In following up after the class, I learned that, for most of these people, the symptoms never returned.

Know that you can do it. A positive attitude, combined with self-affirmation, contributes to success. If you continually tell yourself that you can accomplish your objectives, it will significantly increase the likelihood of doing just that. Many years ago after being told that she could not be a stockbroker in her company because she was a woman, one woman still knew that she could be a very good stockbroker. She changed companies and not only became an excellent stockbroker but later became a senior vice president and investment executive in her company.

Laugh. There is healing power in laughter. This power can heal us mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Laughter helps to relieve stress. After a long day at the office, a good laugh will revitalize me. It brings with it a good feeling, a feeling of lightness, a feeling of joy. I also find it enjoyable to spend time with people who have a sense of humor, as it is difficult to have both a good sense of humor and a bad attitude.

Value other people. Each individual on this earth is a miracle. Each of us has unique skills, talents, and abilities. We all live in a connected universe and contribute to the growth of one another. We are partners in the creation of good for all of us. As we show respect for others as individuals, we, in turn, gain respect.

People are precious, even those people who seem to be cross or ornery and those who seem to stand in the way of our achieving our objectives. If we value them and show that we care about them as people, we might be surprised at the difference we will see in them. By adjusting our attitude toward them, we might just see a change in their attitude toward us.

A positive attitude can open doors to opportunities. It has for me, and it will for you, too!

The Key Is to Focus!

Recently, I read that we are living during a time of shrinking concentration spans and less focus. Wondering why people are focusing less now than before, I asked a cross-section of business people what they thought.

Following are some of their answers regarding possible reasons for less concentration and shorter attention spans:

• There are so many communication devices that interrupt a person's time. We have cell phones, pagers, call waiting, Internet instant messages, etc.
• We are constantly rushing from one activity to another, without a moment in between. This does not allow for periods of exploration in the woods, fishing, taking a walk, or just concentration.
• In our hurry-up world of fragmented communications, we have become accustomed to multi-tasking.
• The invention of the television remote control has enabled us to shorten our attention span.

Since we live in a fast-paced, hurry-up world, multi-tasking and getting things done fast are necessities of life. However, when we are working on a major goal, we need to set aside time just to focus on that goal.

Alexander Hamilton once said, "Men give me credit for genius. All the genius I have lies in this: When I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night, it is before me. I explore it in all its bearings. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then … people are pleased to call [the effort that I made] the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought." To this statement, I add that it is also the fruit of focus and concentration.

In today's complicated world, multiple distractions vie for our attention at any given time. The way in which we deal with these distractions determines how well we are able to focus on our goals and priorities. If you will take the time during the next 24 hours to observe how you handle distractions, you might have some surprises. During this time period, write each distraction as it occurs. After recording a distraction on paper, write a comment on how you handled this distraction. At the end of the 24 hours, review your notes, observe any patterns that may exist, congratulate yourself for the times that you handled the distraction well, and determine where you can make some improvements.

Following are some methods that successful people use to handle distractions:

• Set aside quiet time during the day to focus on your top priorities or action steps. During these quiet times, stay away from the telephone and other sources of interruption, allowing interruptions for emergencies only.
• Decrease the stress in your body and your mind by practicing relaxation exercises before you start focusing on a priority or action step.
• Keep a piece of paper and a pen at hand while you are concentrating on a project or task. When an unrelated thought enters your mind, write it down. These thoughts can be reviewed at a later time.
• Periodically during the next month, repeat the exercise of recording your distractions and the methods that you use to deal with them. Note the progress that you are making in this area.

Before the 1993 Superbowl, Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson gave his team a pep talk. He told them that, if he laid a two-by-four plank on the floor, each of them would walk across it and not fall. The reason for this would be that their focus would be on walking the plank. "But if I put the same two-by-four ten stories high between two buildings," said Johnson, "only a few would make it." This would be because the focus would be on falling. He told his team not to focus on the crowd, the media, or the possibility of losing. Instead, they were to focus on each play of the game, just as if it were a good practice session. The Dallas Cowboys won the game 52 to 17.

If we focus on winning, we will win. If we focus on accomplishing our goals, we will accomplish our goals. If we focus on success, we will be successful.

The key is to focus.