How to Control Your Destiny though Your Attitude

At a meeting several years ago, I met a woman who was a champion at making lemonade whenever life dealt her lemons. I had never before known anyone with an attitude as positive as hers. At the beginning of the meeting, we introduced ourselves and shared our reasons for participation in this series of meetings.

This particular woman had recently moved to Minnesota from Washington, D.C. Her position in Washington had been eliminated. She said that, even though she had enjoyed her job there, losing it was a wonderful opportunity to look at other positions and to determine what she would like to do next. She found a position in Minnesota and rented an apartment about 25 miles from the office where she worked. She even talked about how fantastic it was to have an hour-long commute to and from her new job, as she was able to see much of the city and to listen to motivating tapes while she was driving.

Others who heard her told me later that they didn't think she was "for real." As I got to know her, though, I realized that she was truly genuine. As others in the group began to know her, they began to strive to be more like her. They recognized that she was attracting positive people and things into her life through her attitude.

Later, when I was hiring people for a new department, this woman was one of the first people I hired. Her attitude and enthusiasm were contagious, and she contributed significantly to the success of this department.

In conducting research for my e-book, Success without Struggle: How to Control Your Destiny through Your Attitude, I found that the following practices actually made people more positive and contributed to better outcomes in their lives:

As Dale Carnegie taught so many years ago, refrain from the three Cs: complaining, criticizing, and condemning. They rob our time and also drag us down into a spiral of negativity. The messages they send to the subconscious mind inhibit our success. By eliminating complaining, criticizing, and condemning, we become more positive. On the mental level, positive attracts positive, and negative attracts negative. Positive thoughts help attract more positive experiences into our lives. This begins an upward spiral. As we begin to see things in a more positive way, we become more positive. As we become more positive, we increase our potential for success.

Eliminate worry from your life. Just as most successful people do not waste time complaining, criticizing and condemning, they also do not waste time worrying. They realize that worry not only generates negative energy, but it also does not make the source of the worry any better.

Shortly after I met my husband, Cliff, he had a heart attack. Afterward, I lived in constant fear that he would have another one. When I didn't hear from him at the beginning of the day, it would affect my thoughts on other things. Of course, Cliff sensed my anxiety, and this did not enhance our relationship. When I finally decided to stop worrying, our relationship blossomed, my mind became more clear for positive thoughts, I became more productive, people noticed my more positive attitude, and I was promoted at work. I learned that I could care, but that did not mean that I needed to worry.

Many of us have serious concerns, such as life-threatening illnesses in our families. Worrying does not cure an illness, and we can become sick from the worry. Once we decide to stop worrying, we are better able to handle the situation that might have been the object of our worry.

Put on a happy face. Have you ever noticed how people seem to want to please you more when you smile at them? To me, they appear to be more friendly and outgoing. When I realized this, I started to consciously observe people's reactions as I smiled at them while walking through the long corridors of my company's office complex. I discovered that whenever I smiled, the recipient of the smile would return the smile. This, in turn, lifted my spirits. As a result, my smile became more genuine as I met the next person. As you smile at other people, you'll discover that your smiles are contagious.

Look for the good in everything. I once attended a class given by a chiropractor who had developed an excellent chiropractic procedure, which not only included adjustments but also education on nutrition and forgiveness. During the class sessions, he discussed the subconscious mind and the fact that thought precedes action, even physical action/reaction within our bodies.

This wise Doctor of Chiropractic explained that the secret to recovery in many of these cases was forgiveness. Sometimes, unknowingly, we carry grudges for things that happened to us at some time during our lives. If we do some serious soul-searching, there might be people whom we have not forgiven.

In class, we learned the three steps of forgiveness:

1. Forgive the person who may have wronged us.
2. Forgive ourselves for carrying a grudge, whether it was intentional or unintentional.
3. Look for the good in whatever it was that happened to us. This is the most difficult step, but it is necessary for the process to work.

There were some people in the class who were very ill and had traveled to doctors throughout the country in search of cures for their illnesses. It seemed to me that I witnessed miracles occurring that week when many of these ill people were relieved of their symptoms. In following up after the class, I learned that, for most of these people, the symptoms never returned.

Know that you can do it. A positive attitude, combined with self-affirmation, contributes to success. If you continually tell yourself that you can accomplish your objectives, it will significantly increase the likelihood of doing just that. Many years ago after being told that she could not be a stockbroker in her company because she was a woman, one woman still knew that she could be a very good stockbroker. She changed companies and not only became an excellent stockbroker but later became a senior vice president and investment executive in her company.

Laugh. There is healing power in laughter. This power can heal us mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Laughter helps to relieve stress. After a long day at the office, a good laugh will revitalize me. It brings with it a good feeling, a feeling of lightness, a feeling of joy. I also find it enjoyable to spend time with people who have a sense of humor, as it is difficult to have both a good sense of humor and a bad attitude.

Value other people. Each individual on this earth is a miracle. Each of us has unique skills, talents, and abilities. We all live in a connected universe and contribute to the growth of one another. We are partners in the creation of good for all of us. As we show respect for others as individuals, we, in turn, gain respect.

People are precious, even those people who seem to be cross or ornery and those who seem to stand in the way of our achieving our objectives. If we value them and show that we care about them as people, we might be surprised at the difference we will see in them. By adjusting our attitude toward them, we might just see a change in their attitude toward us.

A positive attitude can open doors to opportunities. It has for me, and it will for you, too!